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He may even try to make it happen in real life. They are called cuckolds or "hotwifers" — as in, "Hey guys, check out my hot wife! With some cuckolds , humiliation is part of the desired experience. The other gentleman may be prompted to tease him cruelly as well. They like to show off their "hotwife," sometimes in exhibitionistic games such as deliberate wardrobe malfunctions or exposed body parts.
Unsuspecting gas station attendants, room service delivery guys, even nearby drivers or freeway truckers may get a surprised eyeful. Glass hotel elevators were made for these couples. Why do they yearn to see their wives have pleasure or intimate talking, or even consensually rough treatment with someone else?
Freud would have a field day with these guys: repressed homosexuality , low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment and unconsciously arranging to feel in charge of it , performance anxiety and out-sourcing responsibility to the other guy. On the other hand, it can be a gift to the woman, or a demonstration of trust. It can make the couple feel closer by sharing a taboo adventure fantasy or real. It can be the ultimate treat for an actual voyeur — not just watching, but watching something meaningful, with no fear of getting caught.
It can be a way of creating a safe environment for wifey to have flings with others, whether friends or strangers. There can be a sexy emotional bonding between the two men, not to mention tangible erotic possibilities. Wifey might become too enthusiastic about non-monogamy to suit her husband. Hubby might push wifey to do things she later regrets; she may feel his voyeuristic pleasure was more important to him than her comfort or safety.
Content people rarely go to therapy, so the couples discussing this in my office are generally in conflict. There are ways to discuss it collaboratively rather than being a huge pain in the butt. Or quarrel about it forever.
What would it be like? What would you wear for the guy? What would you like him to do? While some women enjoy playing the fantasy game, others find it intrusive and distracting. Or artificial and theatrical. And some women would be fine about the fantasy game if they felt confident it would stay on the fantasy level. My job is to gently wean them off those unproductive conversations and onto more honest and productive ones. Marty Klein has spent his year career as a Marriage Counselor, Psychotherapist, and Sex Therapist helping people understand and accept themselves and their sexuality.
He continually calls attention to the social and political conditions that keep so many of us feeling guilty, confused, scared, and hopeless about our sexual feelings, experiences, and relationships. This article was originally published at MartyKlein. Reprinted with permission from the author. in. YourTango Experts. Expert Blog. Photo: weheartit. Marty Klein. Subscribe to our newsletter. now for YourTango's trending articles , top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning. up now!Hotwife fantasy
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